I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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