I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
