Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
