My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
