just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
