Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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