im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
