PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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