You made me cry and you don't even care
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
