I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
