fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
