Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize