I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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