I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
