dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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