I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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