I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
