Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
