Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
