so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
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I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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