Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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