if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
