I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
