Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
