Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
