The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
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You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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