Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
