just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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