I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She bit a glass in half.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Two words: nipple clamps
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