Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.