I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake