Even the bartender felt bad for me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.