YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.