I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.