I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
