I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
