Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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