I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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