It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
