Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
