I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
