Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
