non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
