awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
