Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
