Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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