The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
