that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
