I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
