I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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