no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
