I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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