someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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