Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
