WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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