weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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