I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
