i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
