but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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