put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
