There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
