Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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