Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My balls are so social today.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
