Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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