This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
