your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
